The Journey Genie

I meant to write "on the go" during my trip to the Czech Republic this past August, but it didn't turn out to be that easy.  Although there was no shortage of spare time, using an iPad mini without a keyboard was not really conducive to writing a daily blog.  So, much after the fact, here is the skinny on my two weeks spent at a health spa in Marianske Lazne, Czech Republic.

The spa we chose, Danubius Spa Hotel Butterfly, bills itself as a four star health spa/hotel.  The package we bought was sort of an all-inclusive deal, as it covered our twin room, all meals, an initial doctor's consultatation, and all spa treatments recommended by the doctor.  Our first impression of the hotel was a good one; it is located on the pretty main street in Marianske Lazne (German version = Marienbad), walking distance from virtually everything one needs during a stay there.  The hotel's reception area is bright and clean, with a large central seating area and a lounge/bar area right off to the side.  There is also a dedicated outdoor partially covered seating area with tables, chairs, and polar fleece blankets you can borrow when it gets chilly.  The check-in process was quick and easy, though no porter service was offered to us to assist with our luggage.

Upstairs on the fourth floor, our twin room faced over the side of the hotel, where we could hear some street noise.  However, since they roll up the sidewalks in Marianske Lazne in the early evening, street noise consisted of the occasional car zipping by, people on their way home from dinner, or even the odd horsedrawn carriage!  The room itself was fine, containing twin beds, two chairs with a low table between them, a desk area with a television and bar fridge behind a cupboard, and a wardrobe area for clothes.  The bathroom was clean and well-equipped, although the first bath towel I used was not the cleanest, and I asked for it to be replaced.  Notably, there was no coffee/tea making equipment in the room.  I assume this is because they want you to go downstairs to the bar/lounge area when you want a drink, and spend your money there.  Well, after a couple of days of spare time and no coffee or tea on demand in our room, we quickly purchased our own kettle, disposable cups, and teabags!

Meals, as mentioned, were all included in the price.  Breakfast was a huge affair, with every possible item one could want for the first meal of the day.  I mean, there was everything from cereal and yoghurt, to savory items that Europeans prefer, such as deli meats and cheeses, pickles, pates, etc.  There was also hot food like bacon (too fatty), sausage, eggs, porridge, etc.  The coffee was delicious as well.  Lunch and dinner menus went up shortly before each meal, with typically three to four choices.  Unfortunately, traditional Czech food isn't our favourite...schnitzels with only lemon and fried potatoes, fish with the head and bones intact, and veggies boiled beyond recognition are not exactly delicacies.  Occasionally, from four things to choose from, there was only one "obvious" one.

The biggest issue beyond food was that not much English was spoken by the hotel staff, and even less by the spa staff.  Of course, we are visitors in their country, so we had to work around that, but at times it was difficult to make ourselves understood.  We can usually pick  up enough of the local language for manners, pleasantries, ordering, etc., but Czech isn't so easy.  Marianske Lazne is all about German tourists, so at times we fell back on our extremely limited German.

The main reason for our visit, though, was not the hotel or even Marianske Lazne, lovely though the town is.  The first morning we were there, we had our initial doctor's consultation, and the minute I set eyes on the doctor, I knew it was not going to be what we had hoped for.  He was an older, clearly retired gentleman who had raging psoriasis on his elbows.  Before you think these comments are pejorative, keep in mind that this is a health spa which touts itself as a natural alternative to healing and wellness.  Physician, health thyself?  The doctor's English was so limited that he didn't understand my main concern, Fibromyalgia, and even when I wrote it down so he could read it, he was quite dismissive.  So much for advertising Fibromyalgia help on their website.  After an extremely cursive check-up, the doctor prescribed a routine of spa treatments, which he fed into a computer that spat out a daily plan for our next two weeks there.

We took part in everything from back/shoulder massages, to peat wraps, to spa mineral baths, to dry CO2 "baths," which is really just lying waist deep in a bag that is cinched on and CO2 gas is pumped inside.  It's supposed to increase circulation, but this is a pretty intangible benefit to judge.  While most of the treatments were relaxing and enjoyable, I can't honestly say that I felt any better upon leaving than I had when I first arrived.  Although I wasn't expecting to be *cured* of Fibromyalgia, I was definitely hopeful that the spa could offer me some treatments I couldn't find at home.  We spent alot of money to get there, and alot more to stay for two weeks, which we were told was the minimum amount of time to spend in order to feel benefits.  I'm glad we didn't stay any longer, because after walking down the main street to peruse the little tourist stores and to the two grocery stores and one clothing store nearby about a hundred times, I can honestly say I was bored.  I had long since read the two books I brought with me, and was very thankful for my iPad, where I could download English magazines and cruise the internet.  I'm an intrepid traveler, and perhaps I just don't do relaxation very well, but two weeks was more than enough for me. 

The verdict?  If you want to travel to a place where not many North Americans go, if you like beautiful outdoor scenery dotted with historic buildings and lots of gentle walking, if you need to chill out and relax and don't want to leave your hotel if you don't feel like it, then this is your place.  If you're looking for a grand health/curative experience, perhaps do a little more research into what's available in Marianske Lazne or other spa towns like it.  For us, that experience proved to be elusive.